Divorce is something that not everyone has to face, but for those who do, it can be really rough.
All couples face difficulties at some point in the road, but for some, they face even bigger challenges than others. In circumstances of disagreement, it is easy to let small things appear great, but oftentimes, it distorts the situation into something it's not. I think in these situations it's importatnt to try extremely hard and remember communication, and how to work with your spouse to improve things.
In other circumstances, divorce is sometimes the best answer... When problems arise that conflict with the views or values of the other spouse, it creates a lot of difficulty. If they cannot work through them together, or are willing to learn and change together, sometimes it is best for them to go their separate ways...
Divorce is never something that a person wants to consider, and I believe that it is always important to fight to keep the marriage. You chose that person at one point for a reason, and if you can find it in yourself to get back to that, I think that a lot can come from that.
In whatever circumstance that life gives us, it is also always important to invite God into our choices, and seek His will and counsel.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Parenting
Parenting is hard.
-Responsibility
-How the child can appropriately assert themself in various situations
-The ability to forgive others and also how to seek forgiveness
-How to take healthy breaks and get back to work/task
It doesn't come with a manual, instructions, or "What to do if _____" scenarios. It's made up largely of hit-and-miss, and learn as you go opportunities.
Children look to adults as their examples, and depending on how they are raised will determine what type of adults they will become.
That's a lot of pressure!
But breaking it down can make it a lot easier..
When you think about it, in order to be a functioning adult, a child will need to learn a few things first.
Parents need to teach:
-How a child can contribute to society
-Responsibility
-How the child can appropriately assert themself in various situations
-The ability to forgive others and also how to seek forgiveness
-How to take healthy breaks and get back to work/task
If you think about it, those five things are what make up almost all of our daily interactions and daily tasks. To be able to successfully cope with those things, an adult can adapt well, and can succeed in their daily activities.
Will there be moments of error? Of course! But there will also be plenty of moments of success.
Fatherhood
This is a more difficult topic for me to talk about...
Fatherhood is an essential part of the family lifestyle, and it is well known the importance of having a strong father figure for children as they grow up.
I think what is incredible about fatherhood is that it isn't necessarily defined by blood. Personally, I have several men who I look to as a father figure and that influence my life in tremendous ways.
Not everyone has the opportunity to have a father who participates actively in their child's life. Circumstances vary wildly, and the causes are different, but what's important is that we do the best with what we have been given.
Heavenly Father has chosen that title for a reason. He is the creator of the Universe, and is in charge of everything, and yet he chose the title of Father. This is truly the greatest example that can be given to us. We have His example to look to, and to pattern our lives in His image.
No matter what situation we're in right now, it can be molded and changed as we pattern our lives and habits after those that our Heavenly Father has given us. I know that as we follow His example, we'll find more fulfillment in our lives, and find more happiness in the long run.
Fatherhood is an essential part of the family lifestyle, and it is well known the importance of having a strong father figure for children as they grow up.
I think what is incredible about fatherhood is that it isn't necessarily defined by blood. Personally, I have several men who I look to as a father figure and that influence my life in tremendous ways.
Not everyone has the opportunity to have a father who participates actively in their child's life. Circumstances vary wildly, and the causes are different, but what's important is that we do the best with what we have been given.
Heavenly Father has chosen that title for a reason. He is the creator of the Universe, and is in charge of everything, and yet he chose the title of Father. This is truly the greatest example that can be given to us. We have His example to look to, and to pattern our lives in His image.
No matter what situation we're in right now, it can be molded and changed as we pattern our lives and habits after those that our Heavenly Father has given us. I know that as we follow His example, we'll find more fulfillment in our lives, and find more happiness in the long run.
Communication
This. This right here is the topic that I could go on and on about. (Kind of funny, really...)
To understand communication, let's first take a look at how it is broken down.
Inflicted Tone: 35%
Non-Verbal Signals (Facial expression, hand movement, etc.): 51%
Total- 100%
To understand communication, let's first take a look at how it is broken down.
The words we use: 14%
Inflicted Tone: 35%
Non-Verbal Signals (Facial expression, hand movement, etc.): 51%
Total- 100%
I think that these percentages are really interesting, because how is most of our communication shared today? Digitally. We text each other, write a message over social media, update our friends through status updates and other digital means, and more. I know I feel more than a twinge of anxiety whenever I have to actually call someone on the phone... "What am I supposed to say? What if it goes to voicemail, and I have to leave a weird awkward message?"
It's become so simple to type out the perfect response to something, and think that it conveys the optimal message... But look at those percentages again. Communicating through words only conveys 14% of our communication.
Think about it. How many times have you or someone you know been offended or hurt from a misunderstood text message? I know that I've both sent confusing texts, and been on the receiving end of misconveyed meanings.
Communication is essential in our relationships. As nice as it is to send someone a text saying, "Thinking of you!" How much more is flt when you call someone, or better yet, go see them?
We can reach the 100% communication when we interact with others in person. It's something that is becoming less frequent now, but is still vitally important.
The "s" word.... Stress
We all have those days when even the smallest thing irritates the heck out of us.. Where we feel like we'll burst at the seems if even the smallest thing is out of order.
Stress is a natural thing that builds up in our lives, and is influenced by a variety of things. Social aspects, school, work, kids, bills.... The list goes on and on. Sometimes it seems like life is just out to get us, and that there is no end in sight.
What's important, however, is that we can appropriately deal with the stress factors in our lives and not let it damage our relationships with those closest to us.
I want you to think about a swimming pool... specifically the edges of it. When you have a large swimming pool, there is something called "coping" on the edges of it. That's the strong, smooth edge along the borders. The rest of the pool may be tiled or otherwise lined, but there is always the smooth edge of the coping there at the top.
So what is the purpose of this pool coping? Well, for starters, it's made of super strong material that can hold a lot of weight. It's also very smooth, as to protect from injury as you get in and out of the pool.
Every family is different and has a unique dynamic that can also change on a regular basis. I want to compare that to the water within a pool. It has shallow, peaceful areas, and it has deeper areas of higher stress. But surrounding that pool is a strong, smooth coping layer that can help us in our times of stress. We can grab on to it, we can pull ourselves up, or we can even just look to it and feel a little more centered in our lives.
I think that it's incredible that the word "cope" can be used when thinking about stress, (To be able to cope with our stress.) And it is also the word that is used to describe the edge of the pool.
We all have hard times in our lives, but as we communicate, work with those around us, and forgive others, I think that the stresses of life are a little more manageable than the rest.
Stress is a natural thing that builds up in our lives, and is influenced by a variety of things. Social aspects, school, work, kids, bills.... The list goes on and on. Sometimes it seems like life is just out to get us, and that there is no end in sight.
What's important, however, is that we can appropriately deal with the stress factors in our lives and not let it damage our relationships with those closest to us.
I want you to think about a swimming pool... specifically the edges of it. When you have a large swimming pool, there is something called "coping" on the edges of it. That's the strong, smooth edge along the borders. The rest of the pool may be tiled or otherwise lined, but there is always the smooth edge of the coping there at the top.
So what is the purpose of this pool coping? Well, for starters, it's made of super strong material that can hold a lot of weight. It's also very smooth, as to protect from injury as you get in and out of the pool.
Every family is different and has a unique dynamic that can also change on a regular basis. I want to compare that to the water within a pool. It has shallow, peaceful areas, and it has deeper areas of higher stress. But surrounding that pool is a strong, smooth coping layer that can help us in our times of stress. We can grab on to it, we can pull ourselves up, or we can even just look to it and feel a little more centered in our lives.
I think that it's incredible that the word "cope" can be used when thinking about stress, (To be able to cope with our stress.) And it is also the word that is used to describe the edge of the pool.
We all have hard times in our lives, but as we communicate, work with those around us, and forgive others, I think that the stresses of life are a little more manageable than the rest.
Intimacy and Fidelity in marriage
Sex is a normal and natural thing, especially in marriage. Two people can come together and truly get to know the other in the most intimate way possible.
It's a way for two people to connect, grow, love, and learn together, and should be a wonderful and sacred thing for the two of them to discover and experience together.
It is important to note that every relationship is different, and therefore, every sexual relationship will be different. There is no perfect system to it, and it is something that can be developed through honest communication between the couple.
Sometimes, as a Latter-day Saint, sex is a hard topic to discuss. It's usually brought up just to remind you that you need to wait until marriage, and it always seems to have a dirty or "bad" sense to it.... Then, you get married, and suddenly it's encouraged and supported. I can tell you first hand how confusing that can be...
When thinking about the way that the world views sex and intimacy, and then thinking about my future family, I know that I want to raise my family in a home where open communication is encouraged.
I don;t want the topic of sex or anything else to become a "taboo" subject that can only be talked about in low voices or in private. I want my children to be able to come to me with any questions they have, or any concerns about something in their lives. I want to be able to help them learn and grow, and not to feel awkward about bringing up a subject that could be considered sensitive or even controversial at times.
I know that I may have a different opinion than other people, but I strongly believe that this is an important thing to do to widen understanding, and do a lot of good in the long run.
It's a way for two people to connect, grow, love, and learn together, and should be a wonderful and sacred thing for the two of them to discover and experience together.
It is important to note that every relationship is different, and therefore, every sexual relationship will be different. There is no perfect system to it, and it is something that can be developed through honest communication between the couple.
Sometimes, as a Latter-day Saint, sex is a hard topic to discuss. It's usually brought up just to remind you that you need to wait until marriage, and it always seems to have a dirty or "bad" sense to it.... Then, you get married, and suddenly it's encouraged and supported. I can tell you first hand how confusing that can be...
When thinking about the way that the world views sex and intimacy, and then thinking about my future family, I know that I want to raise my family in a home where open communication is encouraged.
I don;t want the topic of sex or anything else to become a "taboo" subject that can only be talked about in low voices or in private. I want my children to be able to come to me with any questions they have, or any concerns about something in their lives. I want to be able to help them learn and grow, and not to feel awkward about bringing up a subject that could be considered sensitive or even controversial at times.
I know that I may have a different opinion than other people, but I strongly believe that this is an important thing to do to widen understanding, and do a lot of good in the long run.
Monday, November 16, 2015
The big commitment
You've done it! You've found that special someone, and successfully tied the knot!
Now what?
Before marriage, we all would like to think that as soon as you tie the knot, it's as easy as one, two, three, and you're done... Unfortunately, however, it's not that simple.
Marriage is a give and take, and those first few months can be some of the hardest.
It's all about learning to be with someone and compromising. In class, we discussed how even the little habits take some getting used too. Does the toilet paper roll go over or under? How long does it usually take your spouse to get ready to leave? What side of the bed will you sleep on?
These little things, and many more will be the subject of discussion. But that's the beauty of marriage. You have that time to learn and grow together.
This is a shorter blog post, but that doesn't make it any less important. Marriage is an eternal union, and something that will teach us more than anything else in this life. Learning to compromise and do things as a team is an incredible blessing and opportunity, and one that I look forward to experiencing one day.
Now what?
Before marriage, we all would like to think that as soon as you tie the knot, it's as easy as one, two, three, and you're done... Unfortunately, however, it's not that simple.
Marriage is a give and take, and those first few months can be some of the hardest.
It's all about learning to be with someone and compromising. In class, we discussed how even the little habits take some getting used too. Does the toilet paper roll go over or under? How long does it usually take your spouse to get ready to leave? What side of the bed will you sleep on?
These little things, and many more will be the subject of discussion. But that's the beauty of marriage. You have that time to learn and grow together.
This is a shorter blog post, but that doesn't make it any less important. Marriage is an eternal union, and something that will teach us more than anything else in this life. Learning to compromise and do things as a team is an incredible blessing and opportunity, and one that I look forward to experiencing one day.
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